To myself.

I've been writing to myself lately. I guess you can call it a diary. Sending e-mails back and forth, enjoying it too. Back and forth back and forth back and forth with this fricken mind!!

I stay wrecked and jealous for this.
For this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
As something larger than life.


I guess you can call my mental state is in a wreckage. Is that the word? I have no idea. I'm reading things all over the internet (never a good idea for me) that I know and have known for.. my entire life...? I'm looking for a solution and I know the answer to it. I've always known the answer, DUH! I can't really act on my answer though. Which is frustrating, nauseating, and honestly It might be the death of me.

Why can't I feel anything from
Anyone other than you. ?


Demi. Love her. I'm on a Demi kick.

I went to a true blood event for huge trueblood fans. Which was fun, but nothing special. I loved all the free merch. :)

I've had a breath of fresh air. I don't know if it's fresh, I really don't. But it feels like me. And I feel happy. Maybe my solution and happiness depends on it. As if me running, (funny, I run now.) wasn't enough fresh air. But it's not. I think running is keeping me sane right now. Maybe I need to surround myself with people that know me. I'm starting to doubt myself and what I really know. I've forgot so much about myself and I can't be too surprised to hear all the fun things about me. I like me. I'm trying to keep my mind here. Right now in the moment I'm in.

I'm happy. Finally.