Problem?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

GO.

What a day. What a roller coaster of emotions!!

Ending on an OK note though, so I guess life is pretty good.

What is considered a "horrible lie?"

Been asking myself a lot of questions. Been questioning everything. Surprise, surprise.
I find, that with every birthday, I get a little more honest. I don't think it's a bad thing to be honest. Ami right? Brutally honest is another thing. But it's better than lying I think. Probably for the bad lies. You don't wanna sugar coat things. Especially when you're telling a huge lie. Day by day. More and more lies. Maybe the truth really will set you free. But are you being a good person? Are you in the right, for telling so many harsh lies to keep others happy? Is that selfless? Or just plain stupid?

What happens when its your family? Do you lie to protect them? Or are you actually causing more problems for yourself? I just told you how honest I'm being. So clearly, I'm not the one lying. I just have a hard time deciding which side I'm on. Happy on the pappy lying side. You are being a good person. But I'm not happy, because you're a liar. And hiding.

Relief and then grit. There's no easy solution to life. There's no easy solution to problems. Everyone's got em. All is fair in love and war. Or maybe it's the opposite... thoughts?

There's nothing really fair about it. How do you deal with a broken heart? I can't even begin to love again. Picking up the pieces is just the first part of it. I'm not ready to be warm again. I can't deal with someone's baggage if they can't accept mine. Which, everyone's got it.

"Never love anything that can't love you back."


And that just broke it...

"My abandoned heart. Just doesn't understand. My undying love for you. Won't let me wait."

Gravitate.

Im in summer mode. Actually, I'm more in a mode where I'm doing whatever I can to think of summer. Wearing summer dresses, an ankle bracelet, drinking malibu and pineapples... Life is good. But it could be summer. That would make it better.


Been talking a ton about travelling... I'm already failing at my New Year's Resolution. Dang. Sucks. I haven't travelled at all. I know I'll be up north in July. But time is ticking by and I haven't requested any time off. Or even thought of a trip. I need a travel buddy...

Well, I've had far too many drinks to complete this blog. I had a lot to talk about. But I lost it all. WAH WAH!

Tata!

Angela

WANTS > needs

Hello there.

It's been some time. Bizaaaar to have so much happen in a week. There's so much change that has been happening and I'm adjusting. Truthfully.

How amazing is it to finally see what and who your priorities are? My birthday has come and gone. As I was drinking and speaking it became very clear who was very important in my life. My very loyal friends asked me where's so and so?! I answered truthfully...

*Shrug* "Honestly, I love my friends. Don't get me wrong, it sucks that they're not here. But everyone that I really care about and love is here. My family is the most important thing to me."

I think the alcohol was very sincere that night. The older I get, the less I have to fear with my mouth. When you tell the truth, you have nothing to hide. No secrets.


Anyone love the free feelings in life? Maybe it's getting out of work. Maybe its taking a spin in your car. I love all free feelings. Free to do what I want. Free to make my own judgment calls. Free to the worrrld. Including being naked. :)

Wants and Needs are SO different. Do you find yourself Needing! or Wanting! more? I find it's more needs lately. It's essential to eat. It's essential to wear socks in winter. It's essential to get some sleep. Or is that more of a want? I would say that having only WANTS, never NEEDING anything is a little bit more high maintenance. Someone recently told me they didn't ever NEED anything. I was kinda thinking... hm... okay prima donna! In your life, if you only NEED something, wouldn't that be a little more... understanding?

Might just be me. Either way, I'm into the essentials for now. Simplifying my life and getting my head back. It's good to feel...relaxed? Finally, the thoughts are starting to sort out and life is getting simpler! Who would've guessed? Maybe I need to drink more wine. It tends to help with everything. Not a question. It just does... :D

Tata For Now!

Angela



In vino veritas.


Mi piace amare. Ma io non voglio amare, oggi.

EVE.

How amazing. I just love Hawaii. Do you have any places you need to see, ASAP? Hawaii is definitely at the top of my list. There's something very comforting about hawaii, to me. I love the flowers, the culture, the language. Gosh, it sounds so soft for consonants! Beautiful!

Today, I found some peace. I was relaxed. I spent time vegging out and catching up on all my shows. It felt really good to just be in the moment without really having to worry about anything for hours. Then work came. But I don't want to talk about work. Trying to stay out of work, when I'm out of work.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! :D

Who is pumped up? I'm a little excited to just get on a chocolate high. I also really can't wait to see who's love blossoms! I will play cupid. In that, I will accept chocolate and gifts for love advice. Yep. Ending that there...

Any romance this Valentine's Day? :)

I work. It's sort of, my late day. I might have to go get myself a lobster tail, though. I deeeeffinitely deserve that. Then I'll probably watch some Dog the Bounty Hunter. What could be better? I fricken love Tuesdays.

Well, just sittin, waitin, wishin. Wish me luck! All could go swimmingly... or blow up completely. :D

Tata!
Angela



She dreamed of Para- Para- Paradise.

Sad.

I can keep busy all day, but when you have to come home to go to bed... It hits.

I really wonder if there is someone that is your soul mate. What if the one person that got away, reallllyy truly was the one.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't sit in my skin.

I find myself having an inner battle. I want to sit around and pretend like I don't care. But I'm too much of an honest person to allow myself to play games. I can't be harsh and cruel to people I care about. Don't get me wrong, I don't allow myself to be taken advantage of. Honestly, it might be considered taking advantage of you. But I can't ignore people the way I used to. I have too much respect for people. I'm trying to change the world one person at a time.

I feel sick.

I hate being ignored. I can deal with everyone having the spotlight, everyday. But my birthday is pretty friggin special to me. I keep thinking how I'm going to lose it this year. I don't know if I can keep it together. When you have life you are so grateful for, and the one person you want to acknowledge you DOESNT... I draw the line. Tomorrow is February 13th. The eve of the 2nd most special day to me. I can spread my cheer to everyone... But I can't make people do something. Gosh, I really hope this plays out the way I want it to.

Sick of sitting, waiting, wishing. I'm not looking. Just hopeful.

I'll always have Italy. :)

Tata
Angela

Weeks.

There's something sexy about a car. Wouldn't you say? I love a sexy sexy muscle car. MMmmMmMmmmm...


Always been a Camaro girl at heart. You bet. 1969 was the BEST year for cars. So amazing to look at the Chevelles, Camaros and Chargers. Sexiness in a hood. MmMmmmmMmMmmm...

On that note! Who's going to the Auto show this year?! I ammmmm!!! I can't wait. I hope I'm in a magazine. That would be awesome! :D

I've been having some bizaaaaar dreams. Wheelchairs, pork chops and being homeless? Weird?

Homeless
To dream that you are homeless indicates that you are feeling insecure. You are unsure of yourself and where you are headed.

Wuh oh. That can't be good. But I woke up feeling so happy and excited to start the day. Weird... Maybe it means I don't know where I'm headed with my love life? eh? eh? That is a mystery. Considering I am in no way, shape, form able to understand what I need/want, how am I capable of loving again? RHETORICAL. (Per usual.)

Pork

To see or eat pork in your dream signifies your desire for routine and normalcy. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on overspending.

Well, that makes sense. I don't feel normal at all. I can't get a normal routine in work or life. Which I'm okay with, maybe one day of the week. Plus, I am overspending. But! It's my birthday (week), dammit! I deserve it! RIGHT!?!

The whole wheelchair dream, I can begin to guess what that means. We'll just leave that alone. :)

I have to drink the rest of this wine and take a bath. It's a necessity. HELLOOOOOOOO.

Tata!
Angela

P.S. I love you.


You might think that I'm crazy.
But you know I'm just your type.
There's a spark in between us.
You feel like paradise.
Hold it against me.

Secrets. Secrets.

Secrets secrets are lots of fun, but should you tell anyone?

My current dilemma in life.

It's funny, the deeper the secret, the more I don't want to tell anyone. I can't tell if it's a good thing or not. Secrets are usually secrets for a reason. But I feel like secrets are always something you want to share. Is it to compare stories so that you don't feel bad in any way? Or maybe to help someone rationalize your thinking? Could be. Anyone else? I know I can't be alone.

I find myself noticing things. Is it coincidence? I don't think so. I feel like I'm getting indirect messages. I can't be insane. I can't stand guessing and waiting and hoping. I'm pretty sure I'm right about this one. Moving on!

How does everyone feel about dreams? My dreams are crazy lately! What the heck does it mean!! Wait, i think it all makes sense now.. Bizaaaaar.

Any people that are superstitious? This is the meaning on this blog. All about superstition and sublimmenal messages. Spelled that one wrong. Oh well!

I'll edit this later! :) Enter sandman.

Tata!
Angela

Game on.

I smiled a lot today. There's no way someone (especially a man) is going to put me down. Game on, baby. Game on.

What I love about men, and hate. They're oblivious. I know us chicks can over-analyze and be a crazed female. But I know you're playing games with me. As much as I hate playing them (sometimes) you're gonna get it right back. Starting now. I think I made myself pretty clear in previous conversations and blogs, I won't play them. I think my honesty really was stated the entire time. So I hope you're happy. :) I know I am.

By the way, you know the deal. You know what you have to do.

Birthday plans are boomin'! I'm so excited for all the yummies! Can't wait to eat and drink and be merry! So curious what will happen with Valentine's Day as well. I better have some secret admirers! ;) By secret admirers, I mean my best friends sending eachother flowers and cards. :) Kind of...

Is everyone feeling okay? I have been consistantly sick for about...3? months?

Sucks, so anyways. Let's chat!

Romance is on the brain!

I've noticed that chivalry (gallant warriors or gentlemen) is dead. Anyone else feeling that way? I find it hard to find a gentleman. Sad. Chicks notice this. Maybe I'm just too southern for you northern people. Or maybe I should look for a latino. They seem to excel in romance and etc. 0:D Or maybe just an older guy? I'm thinking my cap is 30. I think thats reasonable. I am going to be 23 this year. So... what does everyone think? I don't want to get married, fyi. Just looking to be swept is all. If someone can change my mind, I might accept this. :) CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Superbowl, eh?

Didn't watch much. BUT! I did get a lot done. Including, getting my DRANK on. :)

Lets chat! :D I'm wide awake on my Saturday night.

Tata! Hasta Manana!

Angela


P.S. Where a girl loves a boy. And a boy loves a girl. La Isla Bonita

My Soul

What is it about the forbidden that make us want it more? Rhetorical. There's a few answers. The temptation just gets us. Everything is so much greener on the other side. I played my favorite game today.

What if.

What if we left? What if I really did win? What if I really did fall for you? What if you really loved me? What if I got married? What if you never heard from me again? What if she doesn't...

What if you were mine? What if I was yours?

Enough!

I don't have much to talk about anymore. My hair is green. It's finally getting longer. I think I'll just keep letting it grow until it doesn't grow anymore. Sound like a plan? That's all I got. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Wish me luck that I can actually sleep now...

Tata
Angela




I can't sleep, I can't speak to you, I can't sleep.

Crack.

Split. Burst. Fall.

Love is fantastic. It makes it worth the heartache at the end. Or was that really love? Still waiting on the definition of love. I like using enamored. Or smitten. Smitten is so cute. It's like first love or love at first sight. :)

Valentine's Day gets me very excited. I hope everyone puts their heart into their love that day. I hope everyone feels loved and wanted. Everyone deserves to be loved, Valentine's Day could be the best day of the year to share how you really feel. Why don't people live with their heart on their sleeve everyday of the year? I love honesty. :)

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

How are men different from women? Besides the obvious sex difference. All day I wonder what if. It really isn't a fun game. I don't suggest it. I try to stay away from it but tend to go back. Lets just drop it.


This is my goodbye.
You can find out what you need.
I don't want to be with you.
Please don't hurt me now.
My heartbreaks whenever you are around.
I wanted to be with you forever.
In my heart I am yours forever.

Everyday its start to finish. Finish to start. It'll never change.

Tata...

Angela

Good one?

I just want to see. Someone give me a solution. I can't stand to be drifting anymore. I can't control everything. I don't want to control anything. It's funny that I drink and just can't escape thoughts. I find the tune out happening. I walk in the door and someone is asking me something, but I don't really hear it. What? Can't you see that I'm thinking?!

What did you say?

No, I'm not really listening. It's screaming and screaming in here. I'm sick of subsiding it and being so consumed in a thought. I don't really think this will last forever, but I'm starting to think I'm entitled to some selfish time in my head.


My lips are sealed.


I don't know how obvious we all are with our feelings. In general, I'm speaking. Do we all wear our hearts on our sleeves? I'm not really sure. I find it so hard to read people. Another thing, why do we need to read between lines? I feel like people should be a little more honest. What's wrong with honestly? Can't you just say what you are feeling? What happened to that? I know as a chick, most of us want to keep all our feelings on the inside and be so mysterious. But honestly, isn't that a bit cruel? Men are pretty oblivious. Kind of harsh. They are going with what you are saying and doing. Why are you making an underlying statement. Not a question.

Fricken World War 3 with these chicks. Some dudes as well. Lets not forget about the dudes.

Sleep time, You get me over here?

<3 Angela



You will forever be my forever.

I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
I just wanna break you down so badly.


P.S. Happy February. You know, I really want a good present for my birthday. Yeah, you.