Angel *

So. What's too fast?
Having sex on the first date?
Going 60 in a 30?
Getting married after 6 months?

Really, who is to judge, ami right?

It all opinion anyways.

I had a life changing experience. And I am happy about that. :) It is definitely going to take some time to getting used to. NO, I'm not pregnant. And NO, I'm not engaged or married.
But, love is... wonderful. Inspiring. Reassuring.
Who knows what the word is. You can't even really define it.

But I feel... elated. Like I have a best friend. Someone who I can sit in complete silence with and still smile and giggle to myself.
Hey, don't be hatin'.

Something big is coming. I can feel it. I'm trying so hard to find it and creating all this build up. Then, I'm not so much let down, but still waiting for it. Something big is brewing!

So, I go to bed now. I'll dream of all the amazing things it could be. :D


Chains of love got a hold on me.

Tata!
<3 Angela

Dark Clouds

Nothing is what it cracks up to be.

Wanna know what I think? I'm starting to think love is admiration. The more I get to know people, friends, a lover, an acquaintance etc. I just can't help but feel like people are scared. I can't say I'm not. I feel more scared than ever to fall in love. I don't want to be vulnerable. I don't want to say it first.

Everything is greener on the other side.


Is there something wrong with not knowing exactly how to feel or how to act? I know. It makes no sense.



I've been chasing the sun for too long and I couldn't wait for the sun to set.
Now the darkness is more and more everyday.
I feel claustrophobic in my own head...
What was to be my solution is now my biggest and darkest problem.

So.. Hold up!

EEEEEE!!!!! What is up! Love love love love loooooove. Love is in the air.

>>---> <3 STRUCK.



I am so loving life right now! :D How are you? Hopefully loving life! :)

My butterflies are back. And in full force. They might be taking full control if I'm not careful. I can't wait to see if he's everything I'm expecting. I hope I'm pleasantly surprised. :D

I have nothing to add!!! I have so much excitement in my heart right now. I can't hardly breath. I'm ready to pop at any minute. Just like a balloon. My voice is squeely and I'm ready to burst into laughter and screams at any moment. Hands up! Touch the sky!


I'm higher than a motha... :D

Tata!

<3 Angela

Problem?

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

GO.

What a day. What a roller coaster of emotions!!

Ending on an OK note though, so I guess life is pretty good.

What is considered a "horrible lie?"

Been asking myself a lot of questions. Been questioning everything. Surprise, surprise.
I find, that with every birthday, I get a little more honest. I don't think it's a bad thing to be honest. Ami right? Brutally honest is another thing. But it's better than lying I think. Probably for the bad lies. You don't wanna sugar coat things. Especially when you're telling a huge lie. Day by day. More and more lies. Maybe the truth really will set you free. But are you being a good person? Are you in the right, for telling so many harsh lies to keep others happy? Is that selfless? Or just plain stupid?

What happens when its your family? Do you lie to protect them? Or are you actually causing more problems for yourself? I just told you how honest I'm being. So clearly, I'm not the one lying. I just have a hard time deciding which side I'm on. Happy on the pappy lying side. You are being a good person. But I'm not happy, because you're a liar. And hiding.

Relief and then grit. There's no easy solution to life. There's no easy solution to problems. Everyone's got em. All is fair in love and war. Or maybe it's the opposite... thoughts?

There's nothing really fair about it. How do you deal with a broken heart? I can't even begin to love again. Picking up the pieces is just the first part of it. I'm not ready to be warm again. I can't deal with someone's baggage if they can't accept mine. Which, everyone's got it.

"Never love anything that can't love you back."


And that just broke it...

"My abandoned heart. Just doesn't understand. My undying love for you. Won't let me wait."

EVE.

How amazing. I just love Hawaii. Do you have any places you need to see, ASAP? Hawaii is definitely at the top of my list. There's something very comforting about hawaii, to me. I love the flowers, the culture, the language. Gosh, it sounds so soft for consonants! Beautiful!

Today, I found some peace. I was relaxed. I spent time vegging out and catching up on all my shows. It felt really good to just be in the moment without really having to worry about anything for hours. Then work came. But I don't want to talk about work. Trying to stay out of work, when I'm out of work.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! :D

Who is pumped up? I'm a little excited to just get on a chocolate high. I also really can't wait to see who's love blossoms! I will play cupid. In that, I will accept chocolate and gifts for love advice. Yep. Ending that there...

Any romance this Valentine's Day? :)

I work. It's sort of, my late day. I might have to go get myself a lobster tail, though. I deeeeffinitely deserve that. Then I'll probably watch some Dog the Bounty Hunter. What could be better? I fricken love Tuesdays.

Well, just sittin, waitin, wishin. Wish me luck! All could go swimmingly... or blow up completely. :D

Tata!
Angela



She dreamed of Para- Para- Paradise.

Sad.

I can keep busy all day, but when you have to come home to go to bed... It hits.

I really wonder if there is someone that is your soul mate. What if the one person that got away, reallllyy truly was the one.

I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't sit in my skin.

I find myself having an inner battle. I want to sit around and pretend like I don't care. But I'm too much of an honest person to allow myself to play games. I can't be harsh and cruel to people I care about. Don't get me wrong, I don't allow myself to be taken advantage of. Honestly, it might be considered taking advantage of you. But I can't ignore people the way I used to. I have too much respect for people. I'm trying to change the world one person at a time.

I feel sick.

I hate being ignored. I can deal with everyone having the spotlight, everyday. But my birthday is pretty friggin special to me. I keep thinking how I'm going to lose it this year. I don't know if I can keep it together. When you have life you are so grateful for, and the one person you want to acknowledge you DOESNT... I draw the line. Tomorrow is February 13th. The eve of the 2nd most special day to me. I can spread my cheer to everyone... But I can't make people do something. Gosh, I really hope this plays out the way I want it to.

Sick of sitting, waiting, wishing. I'm not looking. Just hopeful.

I'll always have Italy. :)

Tata
Angela

Weeks.

There's something sexy about a car. Wouldn't you say? I love a sexy sexy muscle car. MMmmMmMmmmm...


Always been a Camaro girl at heart. You bet. 1969 was the BEST year for cars. So amazing to look at the Chevelles, Camaros and Chargers. Sexiness in a hood. MmMmmmmMmMmmm...

On that note! Who's going to the Auto show this year?! I ammmmm!!! I can't wait. I hope I'm in a magazine. That would be awesome! :D

I've been having some bizaaaaar dreams. Wheelchairs, pork chops and being homeless? Weird?

Homeless
To dream that you are homeless indicates that you are feeling insecure. You are unsure of yourself and where you are headed.

Wuh oh. That can't be good. But I woke up feeling so happy and excited to start the day. Weird... Maybe it means I don't know where I'm headed with my love life? eh? eh? That is a mystery. Considering I am in no way, shape, form able to understand what I need/want, how am I capable of loving again? RHETORICAL. (Per usual.)

Pork

To see or eat pork in your dream signifies your desire for routine and normalcy. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun on overspending.

Well, that makes sense. I don't feel normal at all. I can't get a normal routine in work or life. Which I'm okay with, maybe one day of the week. Plus, I am overspending. But! It's my birthday (week), dammit! I deserve it! RIGHT!?!

The whole wheelchair dream, I can begin to guess what that means. We'll just leave that alone. :)

I have to drink the rest of this wine and take a bath. It's a necessity. HELLOOOOOOOO.

Tata!
Angela

P.S. I love you.


You might think that I'm crazy.
But you know I'm just your type.
There's a spark in between us.
You feel like paradise.
Hold it against me.

Secrets. Secrets.

Secrets secrets are lots of fun, but should you tell anyone?

My current dilemma in life.

It's funny, the deeper the secret, the more I don't want to tell anyone. I can't tell if it's a good thing or not. Secrets are usually secrets for a reason. But I feel like secrets are always something you want to share. Is it to compare stories so that you don't feel bad in any way? Or maybe to help someone rationalize your thinking? Could be. Anyone else? I know I can't be alone.

I find myself noticing things. Is it coincidence? I don't think so. I feel like I'm getting indirect messages. I can't be insane. I can't stand guessing and waiting and hoping. I'm pretty sure I'm right about this one. Moving on!

How does everyone feel about dreams? My dreams are crazy lately! What the heck does it mean!! Wait, i think it all makes sense now.. Bizaaaaar.

Any people that are superstitious? This is the meaning on this blog. All about superstition and sublimmenal messages. Spelled that one wrong. Oh well!

I'll edit this later! :) Enter sandman.

Tata!
Angela

Game on.

I smiled a lot today. There's no way someone (especially a man) is going to put me down. Game on, baby. Game on.

What I love about men, and hate. They're oblivious. I know us chicks can over-analyze and be a crazed female. But I know you're playing games with me. As much as I hate playing them (sometimes) you're gonna get it right back. Starting now. I think I made myself pretty clear in previous conversations and blogs, I won't play them. I think my honesty really was stated the entire time. So I hope you're happy. :) I know I am.

By the way, you know the deal. You know what you have to do.

Birthday plans are boomin'! I'm so excited for all the yummies! Can't wait to eat and drink and be merry! So curious what will happen with Valentine's Day as well. I better have some secret admirers! ;) By secret admirers, I mean my best friends sending eachother flowers and cards. :) Kind of...

Is everyone feeling okay? I have been consistantly sick for about...3? months?

Sucks, so anyways. Let's chat!

Romance is on the brain!

I've noticed that chivalry (gallant warriors or gentlemen) is dead. Anyone else feeling that way? I find it hard to find a gentleman. Sad. Chicks notice this. Maybe I'm just too southern for you northern people. Or maybe I should look for a latino. They seem to excel in romance and etc. 0:D Or maybe just an older guy? I'm thinking my cap is 30. I think thats reasonable. I am going to be 23 this year. So... what does everyone think? I don't want to get married, fyi. Just looking to be swept is all. If someone can change my mind, I might accept this. :) CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Superbowl, eh?

Didn't watch much. BUT! I did get a lot done. Including, getting my DRANK on. :)

Lets chat! :D I'm wide awake on my Saturday night.

Tata! Hasta Manana!

Angela


P.S. Where a girl loves a boy. And a boy loves a girl. La Isla Bonita

My Soul

What is it about the forbidden that make us want it more? Rhetorical. There's a few answers. The temptation just gets us. Everything is so much greener on the other side. I played my favorite game today.

What if.

What if we left? What if I really did win? What if I really did fall for you? What if you really loved me? What if I got married? What if you never heard from me again? What if she doesn't...

What if you were mine? What if I was yours?

Enough!

I don't have much to talk about anymore. My hair is green. It's finally getting longer. I think I'll just keep letting it grow until it doesn't grow anymore. Sound like a plan? That's all I got. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Wish me luck that I can actually sleep now...

Tata
Angela




I can't sleep, I can't speak to you, I can't sleep.

Crack.

Split. Burst. Fall.

Love is fantastic. It makes it worth the heartache at the end. Or was that really love? Still waiting on the definition of love. I like using enamored. Or smitten. Smitten is so cute. It's like first love or love at first sight. :)

Valentine's Day gets me very excited. I hope everyone puts their heart into their love that day. I hope everyone feels loved and wanted. Everyone deserves to be loved, Valentine's Day could be the best day of the year to share how you really feel. Why don't people live with their heart on their sleeve everyday of the year? I love honesty. :)

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

How are men different from women? Besides the obvious sex difference. All day I wonder what if. It really isn't a fun game. I don't suggest it. I try to stay away from it but tend to go back. Lets just drop it.


This is my goodbye.
You can find out what you need.
I don't want to be with you.
Please don't hurt me now.
My heartbreaks whenever you are around.
I wanted to be with you forever.
In my heart I am yours forever.

Everyday its start to finish. Finish to start. It'll never change.

Tata...

Angela

Good one?

I just want to see. Someone give me a solution. I can't stand to be drifting anymore. I can't control everything. I don't want to control anything. It's funny that I drink and just can't escape thoughts. I find the tune out happening. I walk in the door and someone is asking me something, but I don't really hear it. What? Can't you see that I'm thinking?!

What did you say?

No, I'm not really listening. It's screaming and screaming in here. I'm sick of subsiding it and being so consumed in a thought. I don't really think this will last forever, but I'm starting to think I'm entitled to some selfish time in my head.


My lips are sealed.


I don't know how obvious we all are with our feelings. In general, I'm speaking. Do we all wear our hearts on our sleeves? I'm not really sure. I find it so hard to read people. Another thing, why do we need to read between lines? I feel like people should be a little more honest. What's wrong with honestly? Can't you just say what you are feeling? What happened to that? I know as a chick, most of us want to keep all our feelings on the inside and be so mysterious. But honestly, isn't that a bit cruel? Men are pretty oblivious. Kind of harsh. They are going with what you are saying and doing. Why are you making an underlying statement. Not a question.

Fricken World War 3 with these chicks. Some dudes as well. Lets not forget about the dudes.

Sleep time, You get me over here?

<3 Angela



You will forever be my forever.

I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
I just wanna break you down so badly.


P.S. Happy February. You know, I really want a good present for my birthday. Yeah, you.

It stopped.

Yep, I did it. I posted a(nother) picture revolving around the most insane pop culture phenomenon.

I get it. I'm just waiting...

Amazing what love can do. It can lift you up. Make you feel incredible. It can put you down, sick to your stomach. Love never gets old, though. We endure the roller coaster and just try to grip it for dear life. I'm not the only person that thinks this either. I've had many conversations. Now I hear about the unfaithful parts. Putting families in bad positions and second chances. To stay or flee?

I once saw things very straight. Black and white is just not the case for every person's personal life.There's always 3 stories. Everything in life is interpreted in a different way. You say what he said. He said what he saw. Actions, words. Actions, words.

What is worse? Actions or words?

I can't even choose.

Everyday I keep saying to myself, "It will come. Everything is good." It's been over 6 months. It hasn't come yet. I might be going through a phase, that I will just have to keep chugging through. No one said life is always going to be easy. No one has had an extremely easy life. Everyone's got their thing.

I am not pregnant. Good lord, what are you guys thinking about?!

On that note, now I am going to enjoy a bubbly bath and sing and soak. :)

Tata!
Angela





I thought I was a fool for no one.
Baby, I'm a fool for you.

Big Bang.

It doesn't really matter until the liquor hits.

Today, I am drinking Jack. This tongue has a hard time holding as it is. Now give it some Jack... Houston, we have a problem. Went to a function today. I ran into some old old faces.

Really, really, old faces. I am suddenly EXTREMELY PROUD of myself. I would've loved to be a fly on the wall after I left. No one has much of anything. Not that money really matters... scratch that. It kind of does. These people looked skeeeeeezy. I don't know if that's the right word. I'm going to go with it. I don't think too many people recognized me. But it was fun to see the faces of those that did recognize me. !!! O_O !!! Yeah... that was fun.

I think the people that I saw were seriously reaching for conversation. Which, to be honest was kind of sad. For once, I was a tad dumb founded. What do you talk about when the people surrounding you still are in their 15 year old mindset? RHETORICAL. You can't really say much. Just walk away. HA!

What the heck is wrong with some of you? You have no self-worth? You can't do things without your friends. By the way, your friends aren't doing anything with their lives. Move on. If you still have ALL of your 27 friends from highschool... frankly, I just feel sorry for you.

I think that covers just about everything. Now if my future husband would just grow up about 5 years, we could actually be around eachother. Amazing. I still completely understand why I never dated you. When you are around me, you let your guard down and I love being with you. But then as soon as you realize how much we connect, you have to put that guard right back up. Or maybe you think you're vulnerable? Is it your friends you're worried about? Who are you trying to impress? It doesn't impress me. FYI.

Let it down and be yourself. You're missing out on someone that could make you very, very happy.


TRUTH

tata!
Your Angela

Waterfall.

They were just words. That I have locked. I look at them whenever I am really sad. I look at them whenever I think of you. Lately, it's not too much but I feel like you are thinking of me. Why else would I be thinking of you out of no where.
RHETORICAL.
I am so much a believer in signs.
I can't stop dreaming of you.
Thinking of the first time I saw you.
Thinking about your face and how you looked at me.
I think of how I could feel someone's eyes on me.
I know your curiousity got the best of you.
I know it was you staring at me. Gathering as much information as you could about me.

I know what you are doing. Where you are and I'm wondering if you are thinking of me. I wonder if what you are doing, has a significance to me. Because those words actually meant something. You can pretend to be a senseless man with no feelings to anyone around you. But I know you think and wish for me. I am for you. You are for me. I saw you once. You wanted to know me. You want to know me.

I am not getting married. I don't want to find anyone. I want to be alone and hopefully I will get swept off my feet. I will wait for forever to find someone.

I am dreaming of our paradise.




Life goes on.
It gets so heavy.
The wheel breaks the butterfly.
Every tear, a waterfall.
In the night, the stormy night
She'll close her eyes.
In the night, the stormy night
Away she'd fly.

And dreams of para- para
Paradise.

C'est la vie.

I lived and loved today. I'm normal again. I didn't feel any regret, anger and I especially didn't feel lonely. My appetite is back (dang.) and I didn't feel the anxiety and out of sorts feelings I've had for too long.

I'm back to being happy. I would shout it from the top of a building if I could. I'M HAPPY!

Anyone done any laughing lately? I have been having so many happy memories and funny funny memories that have been attacking me. At work, not so fun to explain why I'm laughing. People must think I'm nuts. Which I'm okay with. :)

Guess who has been indulging? I bought myself an early birthday present. :) I got a new Coach purse. It's beautiful! Cherry red, and gorgeous! I am one happy girl. My Kindle fits perfectly in it.

Been talking to someone that I never expected to have much in common with. Well, that's how it goes doesn't it? RHETORICAL. The time you actually stop looking and start relaxing. Someone comes along. Takes you by surprise. Makes you feel a little bit more sane. It's funny to just "get" someone. You're automatically on the same page. I'm sorry, I just don't want to play games. Don't even bother. I know I'm not crazy to think that. Say it. Just say it and be done with it. Don't play with people's emotions. Don't string people along. That karma isn't good for life. Bad JuJu.

What has everyone been up to? Living and loving life? You better. This is life. Start living it. Smile at the people you don't know. Talk to your neighbor in the grocery line. People love getting to know beautiful people. :D

Tata!
Angela



Make me come alive come on and turn me on.
Touch me. Save my life.
I'm too young to die.
Come on.

Sweet Cherry Pie.

This year for the New Year, I decided that I was going to do everything I said I would do. So instead of just talking, I'm going to walk that talk. So my big thing last year that I talked about was getting my M license.

I'm being fully serious.

I might not get a bike for awhile, in a year or who knows, maybe I'll never get one. But I want that license. With or without that license, I want to go to Sturgis this year. A bike or no bike... I'm planning on going.

I miss my biker crowd. I didn't get any biking in this last year. I'm overdue. Time to feel the wind in my hair. :)

Feeling much much better today. Feeling strong about that decision. Thinking about the bad. And the reason why everything has happened. Moving on is always a good decision when you were miserable. The back up and the memories came flooding back. At first the good ones, then the bad ones. I hope things do stay like this. I don't want to get sucked back in. All we need is another year of that. haha!

My cushion has disappeared. Which, hey! I'm feelin' pretty damn good about that. Some people just can't walk their talk. Which, he probably shouldn't. So that makes me feel a little better. It's good to be alone with no bells ringing. Chingle chingle chingle every 10 seconds gets a little... no idea... Annoying.

Welcome to the outside world, Angela.

Anyways, if that cushion were to actually walk that talk... I think that would be the wrong timing. Timing is everything.

If it's meant to be... it will be. Touche

How's everyone's resolutions going? I'm sure fantastically! :D Don't forget to smile.. especially tomorrow! It's hump day! No? Winedown Wednesday? YES!!! One bottle, Two bottle, Three bottle Fleur! hahaha!


tata!

Angela

Un segreto.

Personally, I love a good love story. Can't seem to get enough of them, lately. My book, French lessons has really been a complete package. A girl in an affair. A girl in affair and a man that wants to be in an affair. Being in a country and society where an affair is very much frowned upon, (i.e. Cheaters) I don't know if my inner European is making me more intrigued with these stories. Honestly can't stop reading em.

Now I'm going to make you think with these questions.

Is all fair in love and war?
Why is an affair bad or good?
Is loyalty dead?
Are we all too selfish or should we be in passion?

We've all heard the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater." Or how about "have your cake and eat it too." it's funny how these sayings can be interpretted in many situations. Life, love, work. But what is the bottom line to these phrases? Be a good person? Probably.

Is anyone living life as a "good person" everyday? How about morals? Anyone have 'em anymore?

My life has taken a switch. Good? Bad? Who knows. We'll find out. Will I continue to be a good person? I would hope so. At the end of my day I want to be able to think, "that was a great day." All the switches and life changes that are happening are making me a little happier everyday. Starting tomorrow.

I was sick today. boooooo!

Ta-ta for now!

Angela



It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear.