Where are you?

No heels, no shirt,
no skirt.
I just wanna feel your
skin.


I literally said something out loud today
and I really really meant it.


"I'm too wild. No one can handle me."

Man, It's pretty true. I'm all over the place. I'm dealing with daily battles in life. Does everyone? Daily demons, temptation, the battle for good and evil? This all rings a bell right? I find a little lost. A little rambling and pacing. Pacing and repetition. I was actually wandering back and forth at work today. I'm sure I looked lost and confused. All because of thoughts...?

Everyone has their days, am I right? Maybe it was the caffeine overload. Nervous energy. Anyone deal with an addiction? Coffee, cigarettes, etc. Everyone's got their thing. I'm pretty sure of it. I guess that's just how the world goes. I don't think there's a problem with that either. No one is normal. Everyone has an ism or baggage. THAT'S THE TRUTH.

I'm turning to Shia for stability. My MeShia. <3
He can always make me feel sane for awhile. Brings me back to what a down to earth person can really be like. I just hope I can get past his recent crap and be happy watching him in a movie. Been awhile.


Wish me luck.

Ta ta!
Angela

Forget my name.

I had a bad ending to my day. A bad phone call.
And just like that. I'm back where I was. I'm trying not to get caught up in lost emotion. My emotion and mind are just flipping. Flipping and reeling through memories and old feelings. My comfort zone... is... being tampered with? My mind can't stop. PLEASE LET ME SLEEP.


Today could be a special day, but an unexpected event can't change everything. Please. Please. Take away this feeling and make me realize the bad and not regret my decision. Why can one person alter your life? For the good or the bad? Because I'm living for someone else? These thoughts are legit right?


One Eight Seven

The pain that breaks my heart. Each day. I'm not okay. Sunlight shining through my window. Lets me know that I'm still alive. Why did I ever let you inside my heart. I'm such a fool.


I'm not a jealous person. I feel like I'm the only. One and only. But that doesn't make me feel better. I feel like an idiot. I'm so glad that I'm not alone in this situation. Why do you feel not good enough then? Because I'm not the first. That's why. I can answer my own questions. Who is the first anymore nowadays?!?! RHETORICAL.

Tell me something good. Someone.

I need this pick me up. I'm in need of some sense. Please, make me feel normal again.


Until then,

Angela


---SHOT THROUGH MY HEART.--->
I will never ask. Why can't I feel anything for anyone other that youuuuu. And all of this was all your fault. I stay wrecked and jealous for this. For this simple reason and I just need to keep you in mind. As something larger than life.

I'm here.

Went back to my dark self today. But don't worry, I don't think it was a bad thing. Got a little hate in then spit (literally) and I was over it. I think a release is good for anger...right? Eh, who cares.

So, I'm staying a brunette. I have this great idea. And I think I'm going to see it through. I'll post about it when it's done. :)

Had a fantastic time last night. At the Blackhawks game. We won, I was on TV, got a free hat AND! saw Mikita! Didn't get an autograph but still pretty amazing! Then the very end of my night, it just got even better. :D

So new years is looking good! My Billy is DJing in Frankfort. I put in some requests and I think it'll be a great time! As long as I'm not sitting at home, being bored and lonely. Although today, my throat really started to feel swollen. That's not a good sign. Wuh oh. I've been exposed to too many people I definitely don't want something bad! Something that starts with an S!

Can't even think about it. Can't even think about it...

moving on...

Had a fantastic talk with a friend tonight. Really, quite refreshing. Made me very happy. Always feel like I can be myself around this friend. Caught up on eachother's lives, it was pretty awesome really. Nothing like a quality conversation to get you feeling great about your decisions. Everyone is so curious as to what happened. Which makes me feel good that they immediately know where I'm coming from. Seems like everyone just wants to be confirmed. As if they knew the answer but wanted to hear me say it. Which I'm cool with. It's totally fine. I'm pretty sure I've said some of the things I've already said. But actions speak louder than words. Right?



That's all I got.

Tata!

Angela



The situations are irrelevant now.
I love the girls who hate to love because they're just like me.
She licked her lips and pulled my hair I fall in love for a night.

I'm right but sometimes left.

Bare with me. I'm on my phone for this one. This weekend was very fun for me. To end it, I went to the blackhawks game. We were 16th row from the glass. :) jealous?

How was everyone's holiday? It went fast didn't it.

I found this great quote that I have to share with you all!


We're the perfect couple, we're just not in the perfect situation.

Pretty amazing, right? I couldn't believe i found a quote that meaningful. Timing is everything in life. That's a fact. So if the timing is so wrong, is this the wrong time? Maybe it's a sign. Maybe whatever part of the situation that's wrong, really needs to be fixed. In my mind, that didn't sound redundant. Sorry if it did.

The thing that I don't understand, nor want to think about is love. Love is all you need but there is no definitive answer in love. No one can really define it. Everyone has their own way of defining.

Love is patient... That's what I'm sticking to at this time in my life.

I had more to say but I just can't keep track of my thoughts. So I guess that means to shut it off tonight.

:)
Ta! Ta!
Angela

Fitting.

I got asked on a date. OOOOOOoOoOOOoOo!! Right?! Hahaha!

Can't say I didn't see it coming, though. Pretty excited actually. I will not reveal any other details. But lets just say he's pretty hot. :D


SO! What to talk about, now that I'm all giddy. :)

I can't believe there's no snow! Watching the news today I was SHOCKED that its going to be 40 degrees on Sunday. This is a joke right?

Had an up and down kind of day. Already edited this thing 2x. Which to be honest, I'm starting to think I need to stay away from technology. So what am I going to do? Take a break. I'm taking a break from texting, talking on the phone, going on facebook etc.. Starting tomorrow. I'm off. IM OFF.

Need to get my girlie on. So I think I'll change my hair and relax with the people I really love. Time to let go for a bit.

Tata!
Angela




A castle made of sand. Knock me down.

Chase the shadows.

How's it everyone?


Happy midweek! Can you believe in the 21st? Surely doesn't feel like it here! There's no snow on the ground! BOOOOOOOO.


Let's cut the small chat and get on to business.

I'm going to totally wing this right now. I don't have a set theme or life lesson to discuss tonight. Life is chuggin' along. Everyday is different and a surprise. This week, my patience are really spreading thin. Is that the right phrase? Looks weird. Anyways, I didn't have anytime off this week. Or weekend. Which, I was really loving at one point. But now I'm not seeing that green grass. It's not very green at all. Well, maybe the cash flow. :D

Okay, gotta spill it. I'm definitely sure we're done. Been doing some adding up and it's looking pretty definite. Of course, there's the occasional phone call or text. But I can't see this ever happening again. Those first couple weeks, I hardly wanted to function. I had no idea what to do with myself. It was hard to even wake up. It's pretty heart wrenching. You get out of bed and put on a smile and try to pretend that it's real.

I honestly can say that My friend Made my life a little easier everyday. I owe him a ton. He joked and Made Me sMile. He Made Me feel like a huMan again. A huMan with a backbone and a life. He made me look forward to each day. Waking up with a text Message or a picture Message to Make Me sMile. When you are in your darkest hour, all you need is someone to Make you love the life you are living, again. He heard my SOS. He brought Me back to loving Myself. Making me feel that I aM worth something and Made Me feel a little stronger about my decision. He was My crutch and support. You really forget all that you are worth, when caught up in someone else's life. True love is taking care of those around you. Even if they aren't there.

A many thanks to that friend. <3



<3 Angela

Possessive.

Does anyone else get a little possessive? MINE! MINE! MINE!


Gimme! Gimme! right?!

I'm that way. I can't seem to let go of my grasp. Consistency? No. Probably obsessive. But obsessive is good, right? So long as it's good for you.

Dang. Maybe got me there.

Every *chingle* I hear, I FLINCH or jump-- and snap to my phone.

A girl can dream, right? Now only if the caller ringtone would ring... waaah waaaahhhh...

I can't help it. I really wish it was the other way around in my life. You can say all the right things. You can be the right person. But for some reason, you just aren't the first. Lets stop that thought.

Lets stay on track.

Today, I was working and my first client. VERY FIRST! Tells me that I should never go blonde again. I don't make a good blonde. UM! Hello! I'm a natural blonde so how about <><@(&^#(! &#&^@()!*%!)__!)*#^^#((( YOU!!!!!

Yeah, Exactly. On a lighter note, I got some fat tips today. I can't believe how generous everyone is! All of my clients are so fantastic! I absolutely love seeing them. They give me cookies and wine and tips! OH TIS THE SEASON! :D Those cookies never really last long, though. I usually don't even have a chance to try them. They usually disappear as soon as I drop them on the counter. Well, hey! At least I won't have the fat BOOOONTAAAY after the new year. Right on!


How is everyone's week?

I must sleep now.

TTFN!

<3 Angela

Lay all your love on me!

Does anyone believe in subliminal messages?

I think I do, now.

I'm currently in a panic! A panic? Is that right? A panic attack maybe? Gosh, whatever! Either way, every year for the last 3-5 years I have stayed in on New Year Eve and cooked dinner with my boyfriend. Now I'm boyfriend- less and have no clue what to do?! My friend is having a murder mystery party at her church function, which I think would be a fun way to spend it but we'll be done before midnight.

To be honest, I think NYE is a little over-rated. I get more excited about the day, actually. :) A new day, a new year! What's not to be excited about? Rhetorical.

What does everyone do? Most of my clients hardly have anything to say about the Eve. They all say they stay low-key. Sounds kind of good to me. BUT on the other hand, I don't want to be alone. So if I have to be the DD and be a 3rd wheel, I'm pretty much jumping on that!




Anyone have any amazing NY resolutions? Mine is to be happier! Sort of a "Yes Man" attitude. Take chances, live in the moment. Get rid of any anxiety of the world! No real reason to not be living in the now, ami right?

I also plan on taking up a few new hobbies. But I'll let you guess those. ;)


Ta Ta For now!

Angela :)



Don't go wasting your emotion.

You're not alone AT ALL it seems.

Being in love doesn't mean you have to be together and being together doesn't mean you're really in love...

Whoa. Was this a sign?


I met up with an old friend tonight. We haven't seen each other in a long time. Haven't had "real talk" in what seems like forever. I can't believe how different our lives are and what different paths we've taken. Yet, we find ourselves in the same pickle.

The best part about life: You're not alone AT ALL.

How odd that I say something and someone has the exact same problem. I feel so... normal again. Is it really a "problem?"

Couldn't tell you. But I will say that some things should be said. Put yourself out there. I can't help but think if life really is full of surprises and that there are signs.

Things are looking more positive. Life is becoming clearer. Love is getting more understanding.


Now its all up to you.

Ta ta!

Angela






Ay amor me duele tanto
Me duele tanto
Que te fueras sin decir a dónde
Ay amor fue una tortura...

J'adore Paris.

Do any reading lately? I personally can't stop reading all French related. If you're looking for a fast and fun read, check out All You Need to be Impossibly French.


It's a fantastic read! I felt more French just reading about her experiences through Paris! An English girl heads to Paris with her family, completely dumbfounded by the French culture. What an insight to a thoroughly different culture. You learn about the skin care, the food, the love, the undergarments and all in between!

When explained so simply, it's very easy to be inspired and enthusiastic about living a more French life. Things that are so important here, just seem miniscule after reading this extremely contagious book.

My life has been so consumed with work and stress I find myself doing more French things by the day. (Drinking more wine, dressing more chic and simple, looking at love in a different light!) What do the French have that we don't?


A really good attitude about life.

I'm not saying that they have a carefree life and everything is so easy. What I am saying is that French life is a little more sophisticated and worth- while! Who wouldn't want that?
RHETORICAL!


Welp, that's all I have for now! Until then...

Love your life and Stay chic! ;)


Ta ta!

Frenchie

Drop dead.

Beautiful.










Hows it?
No need to worry, I think the last blog really was the end of that era. Ranting ranting and ranting. Let's talk shop shall we?

I talk to people everyday. I really love what I do. To wake up everyday (usually) excited to go to work and see everyone and see what adventure I'll be on. Everyone is so inspiring lately! How exciting! Red, violet, rich rich brunettes! How gorgeous is everyone looking?!
RHETORICAL

Now I always google things, DUH! But did you know that only about 1% of the world are red heads. Pretty sad, huh? I happen to be a sucker for red heads. (Aunt Vicki can vouch for me) And I have to say, I didn't realize just how rare a red head is. How exciting!

Maybe I knew deep deeep deeeep down that red heads are a dime a dozen. Hm!

SO what has everyone been up to? I know Christmas is right around the corner. (I'm the grinch) I'm pretty fired up about it. Looks like all my gifts are going to be ACE!

Ok, lets break the ice. Who am I kidding. It has to be said.

I'm single.


Ta! Ta! ;)

End of Era

There's certain times in your life when you give yourself the benefit of the doubt. I have, and I have for awhile now. My era is done as of right now. I've been selfish, stupid and hypocritical.

I'm talk about me here. Not you.

And while I'm at it, this is the beginning.

Ruthless has always been one of my PROUDLY SHOWN characteristics. I'm not doing what I've done. This censoring for my benefit is not apart of my being. While I had diarrhea of the mouth today, it became extremely clear to me what the FUCK I was doing. I'm not saying I regret my actions, or lack there of, but I am not proud of them.

As I contemplated everyday, I wasn't really thinking of the severity. I'm a humanitarian at heart.

Damaged goods, isn't my color.


I am way too good for this. And way too good for you.

The moment you start compromising your being, you have failed yourself. You are no longer you. You are your enemy. Stooooping so low and being in a black black pit in life, it's hard to crawl out. Crawl out and make it normal again.

There's no right and wrong answer in life. But you always know your gut feeling. You should go with that before you hit the pit.


Tata for now

Angela

I've got nothing for you to gain.

Just in time, in the right place. Suddenly I will place my Ace.


Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.


The day you finally decide to love me will be the day after I have given up on chasing you.


Being lonely doesn't mean something is wrong with me. I can calmly experience loneliness and learn to grow creatively from the time with myself.




If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you'll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.



One of the worst feelings in the world is loneliness. Sitting in the dark by yourself in the wee hours of the night gently crying. Nobody knows what's going on with you. How could anybody realize what's happening? Everybody you know is resting peacefully in their bed awaiting the new day tomorrow. But for you, there's no difference in the days. They pass monotonously. And before you know it, it's all gone.


It's amazing what you find on the internet.


TTFN

Angela

You'll be waiting in vain.

I decided to make a blog about patience. (and anger)


Abused patience turns to fury.
Thomas Fuller


Anyone get sick of standing in line at the DMV? How about when you are extremely nice and pleasant to someone and they test you? You aren't alone. Patience is key. Right? What about seizing the day? What philosophical mindset should we be in? Are we all just finding an excuse? An excuse to not act out? Or to act out? What is morally right, what is morally wrong?

Morality (from the Latin moralitas "manner, character, proper behavior") is the differentiation among intentions, decisions, and actions between those that are good (or right) and bad (or wrong).


I have found you.
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping.




Never do anything when you are in a temper, for you will do everything wrong.
Baltasar Gracian


Know what I love about this quote.

It's right.

Can't tell you how many times anger will only hinder you. If you're drinking, don't get angry. If you're angry, don't get angry. If you're jealous, don't get angry. It's just a huge snowball that's going to kill your soul. There's nothing wrong with getting some honestly out there, but you should probably leave out the rage. It's probably for the best.


That's all I have to say about that.

TTFN

tata for now!

Angela

What's a girl supposed to do?

Anyone had an unsettling feeling in there stomach?



What about anxiety? I think I've experienced both in my lifetime. Is it pleasant? Not really. I went and saw a movie recently. I had such an emotional connection to the story that I started to get an unsettling feeling. When I started to remember the story I began to get a flicker of anxiety.

With all the new events in my life, I can't help but feel that it was a sign. If my body is telling me something negative, it's telling me what I need to do. Eliminate it in my life. When I eliminated this part of my life, I expected my anxiety to immediately lift off my shoulders. It didn't. But I can't say that I'm surprised. Any change in life has the capability of causing even more anxiety.

I've done some soul searching. Figuring out what I want out of life and who I would like in it. I'm feeling bi-polar. Every hour I'm changing my mind and looking for an answer. Even looking for someone to tell me what to do. I've chalked up a lot of experience in my life of who to trust. I'm hesitant to talk to anyone. I have things on my chest that I need to say out loud.

I really can't.

I think I'm finally starting to relax. Stopped worrying about everyone else. Started feeling some relief in my life again. Is it that my comfort was dependent? I think it was, to be honest.


Every day I can't help but think how things were incredibly different 2 weeks ago. Thinking it is the best thing. I'm back and forth back and forth. But it's not worth the worry. I'll forever have memories and have the good memories first.


I'm alone and feeling happy about it. There you are.


ttfn
angela



...I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain...

I wished for you.

What is true Evil? Is a wish evil? Is a curse evil? How about superstition?

I'm alone. Somewhat lonely. But it beats the hell out of being with someone and being lonely. How pathetic is that? What do you need to do to get out of your situation? Play games? How about telling the truth?

Is the truth going to set you free? Who knows? Are you being true to yourself? Are you being someone you always wanted to be? I'm typing without looking, At all. I'm sick of on the edge. Is this a rant? It could be. I'm typing with such determining fingers. What is the right and wrong decision anyways?

I should be your first fucking priority.


Never saw the dark side, in your eyes.


When I see certain things I can't help but think, "Is this a line?"

Where are you. Who are you?


Sell yourself.


Lets talk about me, lets talk about you.


And you can join us on the other side.


You should be with me...